When I think about writing I sometimes feel as if I have to have a master plan…a profound catalyst that will help me get all of the creative juices flowing so I know I will get maximum impact from my writing. But then I realize that some of my best writing ever has been free writing and that most times when I go back, I may need to clean something up here and there but for the most part it comes out just fine. I have wanted to write for the last month about the incident that took place on my birthday but I wanted it to be more powerful and effective. So instead of just getting the feelings out, I have done nothing. Which really sucks, because that is the only way I have found that I can let go of things that really hurt me and bum me out. So here is the rub…the “incident” which is not really and incident but more a ridiculous comedic tragedy…
Well, the beginning of this year had been filled with unfortunate events including the passing of my mentor and hero my Tio Henry. So I was bummed for a while over that stuff. I was really letting all get me down a lot. Not that I am not saddened by it anymore, I have just developed a better way of coping and I have also been able to turn that sadness into motivation to get myself together and start living my life the way I should be instead of being a spectator.
Basically I wanted to make my birthday special by being surrounded by those people I feel closest to. Enjoying myself and reminding myself why life is to be lived and enjoyed. I woke up on my birthday, got a manicure and a pedicure, the around noon I my homie Miggy V came and we went to get tattoos…My tattoo is awesome by the way! After which we went to Sunset Park and chilled on a bench and took in the beauty of the NYC Harbor like you can only do from Sunset Park! So far, perfect freakin day…right!
Ok so I went home, showered, put on my birthday gear, did up the do and put on my tiara! You know I was the birthday diva. So here I was, ready set in diva style. Little by little all of my wonderful friends began to show up and we were drinking and having a great time. We moved the party to a local bar and had more fun. While we were there one of my “friends” showed up and made a scene and then left! How rude! And even though I took it in stride it hurt me. But I have come to realize that if you have to work extra hard to be friends with someone. Then they are not meant to be your friend.
I tried for 15 years to be the best friend I could. But in the end, being myself and standing my ground and not allowing this person to monopolize my life and dictate my happiness was what brought this façade to a crumble. How sad. But I will say this.
My life is richer for it. Not compromising what I felt was right made all the difference. I would not change what happened for all of the money in the world. I am prouder of myself and the fact that I did what was right instead of what was easy. At the end of the day you realize that its not the quantity of friends you have, but the quality. We all have that one person that makes us nuts and we don’t even know why we still talk to them. My reason was pity. I felt sorry for this person. I felt that they needed someone to love them unconditionally. So like a parent with a spoiled child I gave that love. Everyday for years and years, I went above and beyond for that child in the hopes that someday, somehow that child would see the err of their way. But in the end, the child was spoiled and I was placed in a position of choosing what was right and what was easy. In the past I chose easy. Now I see that was to my detriment and the detriment of this person.