Miss Kitty’s Claws are out…Believe it or not it’s about Dogs…how apropos…

So I drag myself out of bed and I am going through my morning routine. I am a morning person so most of my blog ideas come to me in the morning. However this particular morning I was so tired that I could not bear it… (Having gone to bed at 2:00a.m. which is wildly out of character for me…) I was not feeling very creative this morning. But I digress, I was going through my normal weekday morning routine, Good Day New York was on (Its just enough news to keep me informed without making me want to jump in front of a bus, and besides I have been watching it for 10 years) and they were going through their normal segments and talking about whatever while I was strolling from room to room getting dressed, brushing my hair and looking at my emails. Where is all of this going? You may ask. Here…

There was a segment about Cindy Adams, the gossip columnist from the NY comPOST… and her new book about her dogs… (I know what you’re thinking…”Jen, ease up, that’s not so bad”) And on its face, you are right its not. Then she began talking about how she loved her dogs and how they have fur coats (not their own, another animal…WTF!!!) and jewelry, they eat poached chicken from Le Cirque and that she even considered getting them their own apartment (Are you with me yet). So I am getting increasingly annoyed and Lynn Brown, who is my favorite morning personality, says “I need a mommy like you…” To which I reply “Word!” So they continue to talk about her fucking rich ass dogs and she goes on to discuss what Lynn B called “…a tragic moment for [her]” the death of “Jazzy” her dog and 3 year companion. I have lost a dog that lived with my family for 15 years; its death was a sad event. But I did not write a fucking book about it. I assumed the American public had better things to do then read about my dog’s life and death. Cindy tells her about how she sent her dog to a kennel for the first time and it died. She further goes on to discuss her outrage at the abhorrent conditions of the kennel that her dog was kept in. That and these are her words, “…this is a dog that I laid on the floor and fed poached chicken from Le Cirque, and it had e coli in its system. How do you think that happened?”

Apparently, the death of this dog apparently moved this heifer to become an advocate for doggie kennel reform and actually get a law passed. NOW AGAIN, I LOVE ANIMALS, but I am I the only one that sees that something is terribly wrong here?

This newfound doggie mania is getting to me. I hate to hate, but I gotta. Dogs are cute, but they are pets and it is not in their nature to want a Louis Vuitton jacket and Prada boots… They don’t care if it’s poached chicken from Le Cirque, Fried Chicken from Bo-Wah Kitchen or rotting chicken from the back of C-town. Instead of buying your fucking dog a fur coat of all things, how about buying some sacks of flour or potatoes to donate to a homeless shelter, giving books to a public school or giving a gross of basketballs to a recreation center. Of course that would only benefit your fellow man, why would you do that? Some may think, “hey it’s her money let her do with it as she pleases…” Fine, I can do that. But when that ho gets mugged because the schools are not turning out employable students, or a homeless man is so hungry her grabs her dog and tries to eat it, don’t say shit to me. To answer the question, “Yes, you are your brothers’ keeper.” Helping is an act of selfish selflessness. It keeps us all safe. These people would rather spend money on a disposable life source then contribute to the betterment of mankind. I don’t have a lot, but I give where I can. I am not saying everything, but if you have an extra 20K to spend annually on a dog, I think we can all agree that its expendable income. Dogs are animals; they need food, water and shelter. Finito!!! If you give a dog fresh water, a bowl of chow and a box to sleep in all of his needs are complete. As a matter of fact if you give the average human those basic needs they are doing ok also. But since you have gotten rich, and probably on the backs of the very poor you hold such disdain for, why not give back.
I can see only one solution. We have to make it trendy to have a homeless person as a pet. We can make big carrying bags with wheels and then you can take then to a spa and a salon. Feed them on the floor of your kitchen. Give them names like Zhi-Zhi and Ginger. This seems to be the only way that you can get anyone to help another being. We can pick up the homeless, clean them up and keep them in pens so the ultra rich can browse through and pick one. Here is what the copy would be like on the advertisements…They’re Warm and some are Fuzzy…Some are Crazy but take one home and they will be all yours…HOMELESS POUND PALS. Pick one up today. You get to name them, take them home and let them lay around your house while you work. Then you can have a groomer come in and style your homeless pound pal’s hair and then you can take them for a walk in the park. That is if you don’t want to carry them around in your matching stylish bag. But don’t get home too late or they may piss in your shoes or shit in your favorite Hermes bag… YOU SELFISH ASSHOLES!